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sycophant by ~AwakenAwareness:iconAwakenAwareness:

Categories Literature > Poetry > Transgressive > Open




.



and you come.

trailing ash,
porcelain jaw,
batting genderbending eyes.
all cool whip and cotton
candy vendor
hawking the goods.

leave hacked up from mossy lungs,
your mercury creeping cloud
become my thread-barren clothes

      clove cigarettes to mask the scent of death,
  {  pet locust to see your reflection
      in multifaceted eyes

teeth yellowed under glow of paper lanterns,
bleed dim like the asphyxiation
soaking the room.

reptilian impulse
dry tongues roof of mouth,
salivates phantom sensation;
mirage of an already desiccated oasis

don’t take you no more to the places
you went when you met.



.
©2004-2009 ~AwakenAwareness
:iconawakenawareness:

Author's Comments

a fruitless pursuit?

Comments


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:iconflaery:
=flaery Jul 11, 2004, 8:30:21 AM
Where is the other curly brace? :confused:

Also, in the last line, should it be we met, or you met? Your poetry tends to be abstract, and I know that most of the time I am just creating meanings that probably have nothing to do with what you intended. They do create interesting rhythms and sounds in my head. :)

--
I adopted ~djthedj and ~ wanderingjizo through ~daac, and I unofficially adopted ~ Ariga.

:spotlight-left: Are you *featureD? :spotlight-right:

I am a ~phoenixproject supporter.
:iconawakenawareness:
~AwakenAwareness Jul 11, 2004, 11:28:59 AM
There is no other curly brace... dun dun duuuuuuuuuun

In the last line, "you" is being used in its plural... The poem has shifted from first person narrative to third person omnipresent..

--
there is more.
:iconleainshadow:
~LeaInShadow Jul 11, 2004, 6:07:12 PM
hmmm.... darn you. making me like this poem again. ;)

I like the formatting better on this version, esp. the one brace.

however, did you take out a couple lines? I remeber it being longer.

**HUGS** glad to see something from you again!

--
<f3 freedom.
:iconawakenawareness:
~AwakenAwareness Jul 12, 2004, 4:25:29 PM
I'm glad you took the time to read it, let alone like it... :)

As far as the lines go, no, I didn't.. I noticed the same thing though. It does feel shorter now then it did when I first wrote it... weird.

Thanks for all your help with this by the way... I forgot to put the thanks in the description. ;)

--
there is more.
:iconflaery:
=flaery Jul 13, 2004, 5:48:59 AM
Woah, just blow my mind with the curly braces why don't ya? ;)

And then . . . oooh, gotcha. :nod:

--
I adopted ~djthedj and ~ wanderingjizo through ~daac, and I unofficially adopted ~ Ariga.

:spotlight-left: Are you *featureD? :spotlight-right:

I am a ~phoenixproject supporter.
:iconshantina:
~shantina Jul 15, 2004, 11:54:01 AM
sometimes one just feels right. i feel it. i like it. good work.

--
mmm shh shhhhh
:iconawakenawareness:
~AwakenAwareness Jul 20, 2004, 7:12:08 PM
I'm surprised that this is one that you like... But glad nonetheless.

Thank you for the comment. :)

(now if you would only answer my myspace messages...)

--
there is more.
:iconarmorfelix2001:
~ArmorFelix2001 Aug 8, 2004, 1:14:47 PM
where could I get a pet locust at, know any good shops? :boing:
:iconawakenawareness:
~AwakenAwareness Aug 9, 2004, 8:22:29 PM
I suggest looking in Chinatown...

--
there is more.
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