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more than compelled. by ~AwakenAwareness:iconAwakenAwareness:





The brother of Able
   wanders sold soiled streets,
   spits clichés of bacon bourgeois

from vantage of highchair
   sneers silver spooned,
but never with woman or
   tied stings to doorknobs
   to pull any teeth.

   Did time with the boys
   as a bottom bunk bride,

zebra stripped
   black/white               black/white

   the type that disenchanted
   leaves feet planted in
   quicksand formaldehyde

jekyll never knew
   no better
   fresh from
   bloated stash,
   faked cash advances for
   alimentary delight.
   Rudimentary depravity to fight the

hook strenuous hold. Dead
   fish eye blink said more than
   all the girl stockings
   made fearsome face shopping
   with a gun.  

   Said to the one enfortressed
   in candy bars and cancer
  
sticks,

“all you are to me, is in the way”

  Then opened the doors
  for flies to lay their eggs in.
©2004-2009 ~AwakenAwareness
:iconawakenawareness:

Author's Comments

"I could swear it was crawling up my arm..."

Comments


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:iconrancidstarburst:
It makes me shiver, but I love it.
:iconawakenawareness:
Maybe you love it because it makes you shiver.

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there is more.
:iconflaery:
Awesome!! You put me to shame. I love your word plays. This has such a great rhythm . . . wow. I did notice a spot where it looked like you typed two spaces by accident--"Did time with the boys" and perhaps a few commas are needed in various places, but you can still figure out the pace. I like this!!

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I adopted ~djthedj and ~ wanderingjizo through ~daac, and I unofficially adopted ~ Ariga.

:spotlight-left: Are you *featureD? :spotlight-right:

I am a ~phoenixproject supporter.
:iconawakenawareness:
Thanks darlin. :)
Seems like I always forget to put some commas somewhere... I sorta just assume people will know the rhythm cuz I do... heh.

I think I fixed it though.. see if you can find any places where a comma would still be helpful.

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there is more.
:iconflaery:
What about after SUV? I'm not sure . . . it seems like you could have a comma, or have something else . . . I just feel like something should be there.

--
I adopted ~djthedj and ~ wanderingjizo through ~daac, and I unofficially adopted ~ Ariga.

:spotlight-left: Are you *featureD? :spotlight-right:

I am a ~phoenixproject supporter.
:iconawakenawareness:
Yes!

There we go. Better?

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there is more.
:iconflaery:
Hmm . . . I still think a comma might please me more, but I can take it. :)

--
I adopted ~djthedj and ~ wanderingjizo through ~daac, and I unofficially adopted ~ Ariga.

:spotlight-left: Are you *featureD? :spotlight-right:

I am a ~phoenixproject supporter.
:iconawakenawareness:
Jeez, are you this hard to satisfy in bed too?

--
there is more.

Details

April 16, 2004
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